To build on this tweet from a while ago, marginalized folks use secrecy & indirectness as a form of self protection: https://t.co/C56FcVwm0X
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
Here are the initial tweets I’m referring to:
I think privileged folks sometimes condemn passive aggression without realizing it might be the only safe form of aggression.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) February 28, 2015
Like, I hate to fade on people but men are so often terrifyingly hostile when rejected that it seems the safest option.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) February 28, 2015
I’ve gotten criticism all my life for being too direct (painfully blunt) but I still think about the risks a lot.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) February 28, 2015
This is a thought that I’ve had bubbling up inside for a while. We so often criticize women for being indirect, although we’re actually punished even more for being “too direct”.
Anyway, back to the main thread.
Folks with privilege criticize our survival tactics because subconsciously they know they are the ones we’re protecting ourselves from.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
The Sarah Schulman talk I went to last night on “Conflict Is Not Abuse” reiterated that there is a diff btwn power struggle & power over
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
I think I first encountered the term “Power Over” in The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. She says:
“Power Over is one model of how the world is believed to work. A belief in Power Over resembles a lens through which the believer views the world. Someone who believes in Power Over expects to get what he or she wants through the use of Power Over another. Our Western civilization was founded on Power Over. Now as a civilization, we have tremendous Power Over the earth and its peoples and resources.”
Evans frames Power Over in counterpoint to what she calls Personal Power, but I prefer the way Sarah Schulman framed it, in counterpoint to a power struggle.
And one of the ways that someone asserts power over is by overstating harm (or threat).
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
I don’t want to point to individuals who have been on the receiving end of this, because I don’t want to make them further targets, but the way GamerGate has focused on the ”Gamers are over” articles is a prime example of this. Framing a series of articles talking about misogyny and harassment and describing how the gamer demographic has changed recently as an “attack on gamers” to justify harassment, doxxing, threats and abuse is an expression of Power Over.
And one of the ways that someone asserts power over is by overstating harm (or threat).
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
“The abuser’s highly entitled perceptual system causes him to mentally reverse aggression and self-defense… The lens of entitlement the abuser holds over his eye stands everything on its head, like the reflection in a spoon”
She encouraged people to look at situations and ask about the circumstances leading up to it & use a critical eye, look for self reflection
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
Those with power over often subscribe to an ‘ideology of supremacy’ that prevents self critical analysis.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
“Freedom from accountability means that the abusive man considers himself above criticism. If his partner attempts to raise her grievances, she is “nagging” or “provoking” him. He believes he should be permitted to ignore the damage his behavior is causing, and he may become retaliatory if anyone tries to get him to look at it.”
I think this is one of the most clear signs of an abusive situation vs a power struggle – if one side is unable to be self critical.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
I encourage everyone to be skeptical when people are making accusations of secrecy or passive aggression.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
I suspect that some of this framing is why white cishet men seem to be the main proponents of real names policies.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
Real names policies only protect those with privilege (sort of) and increase risks tremendously for those who are marginalized.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
And this goes along w the tendency we have to characterize women/trans folk/PoCs as dishonest/manipulative – untrustworthy.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
All of this is intended to defeat our attempts to protect ourselves from an unfair and abusive system.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
I’m not saying that dishonesty isn’t harmful; however, compared to the types of harassment & abuse we experience, it’s relatively minor.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
And if you criticize someone for hiding things or lying to protect themselves from harassment or worse, I think you SERIOUSLY lack empathy.
— 🕸Kanane🕸 (@spidey_j) March 11, 2015
As I said above, I haven’t given any examples of individuals who have been targeted in this way. Not only because drawing further attention to them can provoke further harassment and abuse, but also because I’m starting to feel that some of you are really only interested in seeing us as victims and hearing our victim stories, when we are so much more than that. When we’re talking about abuse and harassment, let’s put the focus on the abusers — they’re the ones guilty of wrongdoing, so let’s hold them accountable for that.
Originally published on Medium.